Do you remember when Lucy and Ethel got jobs at the candy factory? It was smooth sailing at first: pieces of candy came down the conveyor belt for them to grab, wrap, and return them with time to spare. Then their supervisor cranks up the speed and chaos ensues. Bon bons are piling up, wrappers are flying, and despite their hilarious efforts, the girls are not invited back for a second shift.

Sometimes it feels like I’m standing in front of a conveyor belt at a lemonade factory. One by one I grab a lemon, cut, and squeeze the juice into a bottle. Since becoming ill the belt speed has consistently fluctuated from manageable to frantic and everything in between; as it turns out, I’m pretty damn good at turning lemons into lemonade. It’s a daily decision to proceed with realistic optimism and ground my emotions with science. It’s rare that I slide into a funk. That said, I recently found myself up to my eyeballs in citrus fruit, armed with only a dull knife.

What you feel is natural

But I don’t wanna feel this anymore

Pick yourself up off the kitchen floor

What you waitin’ for?

The last two weeks have been the worst two weeks of my autoimmune ordeal. I’m talking worse than Election Day 2016, meningitis, and The Ranch… combined. I woke up on February 12th and couldn’t stand — I couldn’t bear weight on my legs, I couldn’t raise a cup of water to my mouth, I couldn’t move.

Now, “prepared,” is my middle name. Whether I was facing final exams, a client meeting, or a first date, I went in ready to crush it while remaining astutely aware of the worst case scenario. When you have a plan B, C, D, and E, shit’s not as scary as it’s splashing you from the fan. But I wasn’t prepared for this drastic regression. I have already been there, done that, lost my old life, and will do everything in my power to never let it happen again.

Girl, won’t you stop your cryin’?

I know that you’re tryin’

Everything’s gonna be okay

In addition to the extreme paralysis a few new symptoms popped up. I ran fevers after not having had one in half a dozen years. Severe body aches (like, tear-inducing aches) and night sweats came on strong. If these sound familiar, it’s because they are indicators of a functioning immune system. On Valentine’s Day I got quantitative confirmation of this via blood test results. For the first time in six sick years my Creatine Kinase level is in the normal range.

This is big. And it strongly supports my team’s theory that in retraining my immune system to stop attacking me, it’s now free to tackle what made me sick in the first place. I worked my ass off to get my CK below 173 from 6,000 and it’s bittersweet that my anticipated celebration was derailed by a sudden slump. But as of two days ago I can stand again!

The reality is that my current trifecta, PEMF therapy, acupuncture, and an intense Rx, packs a punch by design. I have no doubt that the AmpCoil has accelerated my arrival into the normal muscle enzyme realm; I just finished a 10-day detox frequency cleanse and am switching to supportive tracks for a week or two to stabilize. Cheers to moving onward and upward🍹.

Baby, girl don’t you hang your head low

Don’t you lose your halo

Everyone’s gonna be okay

Baby, girl

Anthem lyrics are from “GIRL” by Maren Morris

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